5 things everyone should know about sexual assault
Sexual assault is all too common in our society and can have lasting impacts on individuals and communities.
Here are five things everyone should know about sexual assault.
1. Sexual assault is most often committed by someone we know
People who commit sexual assault often take advantage of vulnerable situations.
Most sexual assaults are carried out by people who know the person they assault, including:
- Friends
- Acquaintances
- Classmates
- Co-workers
- Partners
- Exes
- Neighbors
- Dates
- Someone they met online or at a party
This often contradicts what people believe about who commits sexual assault and can make it more difficult to recognize when an assault happens.
Stereotypes can often shape how people are seen when it comes to sex and relationships. They often suggest who is “available” or “promiscuous,” and who is “worthy” of loving, respectful intimacy. These ideas especially affect women, people with disabilities and folks who are bi or transgender. When people rely on these stereotypes, they may be more likely to overlook someone’s ability to give or deny consent—which is never okay.
2. Consent is key
Consent is an ongoing agreement that people arrive at together. Consent includes words or actions that create mutual understanding and articulate acceptance to participate in a particular sexual activity.
Consent must be established before people engage in a sexual activity and must be maintained while sex is happening. Each person needs the opportunity to set personal boundaries and to understand the boundaries of others.
Here are a few essential things to know about consent:
- Regardless of relationship status or sexual history, consent is required for every sexual encounter.
- Body language, words and other non-verbal cues are all acceptable ways to demonstrate consent and non-consent. Tuning into these signals is key to avoid overstepping boundaries, even when a person doesn’t feel comfortable addressing them directly or explicitly.
- Consent is mutual. For instance, if someone consents to sex with a condom but their partner doesn’t use one, that is not consent. (This behavior is often referred to as “stealthing”).
- People can—and often do—change their minds about what they want to or are willing to do sexually. If you or a partner signal that they want an activity to stop, that choice must be respected.
- Agreeing to one sexual activity doesn’t mean the person agrees to do another activity, the same activity at a different time or the same activity with a different person. For instance, making out with someone doesn’t mean they consent to other sexual activities.
- Anyone who is incapacitated by alcohol, drugs or anything else cannot give consent, regardless of what they are saying or doing. Incapacitation is a state where someone cannot make a reasonable, rational decision because they lack the capacity to understand the “who, what, where, when or why” of a sexual interaction.
3. Sexual assault can include a wide range of experiences
Sexual assault includes any unwanted sexual contact or behaviors that a person did not, or was not able to, consent to.
This can include, but is not limited to, the following:
- Unwanted penetration, including vaginal, anal or oral sex. This also includes penetration by an object or another person’s body part(s).
- Unwanted touching of someone’s butt, breasts or genitals.
Keep in mind that attempted touching, contact and penetration are also considered sexual assault. Additional forms of sexual harm include sexual harassment, exploitation (e.g., sharing nudes, videotaping sexual acts without consent, airdropping explicit images, etc.) as well as abuse by an intimate partner.
Both sexual assault and sexual misconduct refer to legal thresholds under campus policy and criminal law. Harmful sexual experiences can still happen outside of these parameters.
If you or someone you know isn’t sure whether an experience may have been sexual assault, confidential advocate counselors from the on campus are available for free consultations, trauma-focused counseling and support.
Advocate counselors with OVA are here to help students, staff and faculty understand, heal and process their experiences as well as learn about their rights and options. Remember, you don’t have to know what to make of an experience to get support. Give them a call at 303-492-8855 or schedule a free and confidential appointment.
4. Sexual assault can be prevented
We can create a safer community when Buffs look out for each other, speak up about concerning behaviors and situations, and take steps to create better social interactions.
Here are some ways to help improve and practice effective bystander skills:
Learn to identify high-risk situations
Keep an eye on people who hit on the drunkest person at a party, encourage others to over-drink, try to get a drunk person alone or away from their friends, are persistent about pursuing someone sexually or repeatedly commit low-level boundary violations. It’s not that people don’t understand consent, it’s that some people aren’t interested in honoring it.
Intervene in concerning situations
If you see someone in a potentially harmful or high-risk situation, you can do something to intervene. Helpers are particularly important in situations where someone is being pursued by someone else because of their level of intoxication, or if a person has been intentionally drugged to make them unable to fend off a sexual assault.
Keep track of friends
At parties, high-proof alcohol mixed with sweet punch or juice might be served to increase the likelihood that people will become intoxicated. It’s common for those who perpetrate sexual assault to encourage alcohol consumption or target those who seem incapacitated. It’s important to check in with a friend if you observe any sudden changes (e.g., difficulty standing, disorientation, etc.) that might indicate they’ve had too much to drink.
Don’t leave someone behind
Commit to not ditching someone if they have too much to drink and/or become unwilling to stick with the plan to stay together. Sticking together decreases the likelihood that someone will have to rely on lesser-known friends or strangers to get home. It’s also important to consider whether someone who is offering to walk a person home or look after an intoxicated person is trustworthy or is potentially looking for access to someone who is vulnerable.
Trust your instincts
If a situation feels off, it probably is. If you think someone’s behavior feels uncomfortable or unsafe, follow your gut. It’s okay to make up an excuse to interject or interrupt a situation. You can act like you don’t feel well and need someone to leave with you, need their help to check on a friend or need people to go with you to get something to eat.
5. Support is available
Resources are available for those who have experienced sexual assault, who want to support friends and survivors, or who want to learn more about sexual assault prevention. Students often reach out to friends or family members first when something bad happens. Having the skills to respond effectively without blame or judgment is vital. Learn more skills for supporting your friends through the aftermath of a traumatic event.
Here are some of the resources available to support survivors and friends at CU Boulder:
Confidential resource
OVA provides free and confidential information, consultation, support, advocacy and short-term, trauma-focused counseling services for students, grad students, faculty and staff who have experienced a traumatic, disturbing or life-disruptive event, including intimate partner abuse, sexual assault and harassment.
OIEC is the office that provides university resolution options and safety remedies in response to sexual assault, intimate partner abuse and stalking, and other forms of discrimination and harassment. If you or someone you know at CU has been impacted, reports can be filed online. Anonymous reporting is an option as well.
Explore your options for seeking confidential support, reporting concerns and learning skills for helping others. If something seems off, it probably is—don't ignore it.
Sexual and Reproductive Health clinic providers are specialists in sexual and reproductive health and are inclusive and affirming to all students. While providers cannot provide medical forensic exams (MFE), they can support other medical needs and help connect and transport patients to local hospitals for an MFE.
Students who have experienced sexual assault can opt to have a medical forensic exam (MFE), which is conducted by a sexual assault nurse examiner (SANE). Exams are offered at local hospitals, and not on campus. Reporting to law enforcement is not required to receive a medical forensic exam—learn more.
Students who have experienced sexual assault on campus can choose to report to the CU Police Department. For assaults in the city of Boulder, the law enforcement agency would be
Requirement to Inform OIEC
University employees who have the authority to hire, promote, discipline, evaluate, grade, formally advise or direct faculty, staff or students are considered "responsible employees" and must share alleged misconduct with the Office of Institutional Equity and Compliance (OIEC).
This includes any disclosure of sexual misconduct, intimate partner abuse (including dating and domestic violence), stalking, protected-class discrimination or harassment, or related retaliation. The person impacted has the choice about whether and how they want to proceed.
Note: Confidential campus resources are exempt from CU Boulder’s reporting requirement, including the Office of Victim Assistance (OVA), Counseling and Psychiatric Services (CAPS), Psychological Health and Performance (PHP), Faculty and Staff Assistance Program (FSAP) and Ombuds.
Learn more about who is required to share concerns with OIEC.